Finding Fulfilment – Top Five Regrets of the Dying
Wow! Can you believe that it’s almost the end of another year? And as the ancient Mayans would have us believe, it’s also the end of a significant period in the evolution and consciousness of humanity.
So, at a time when many people start contemplating their highest goals, intentions and outcomes for the new year, I thought what better way to get the ball rolling than to take a look at …
“What Does it Really Take to Live a Happy and Fulfilling Life ?”
Why this topic? And why at this time?
Well, if experience has taught me anything it’s that in life it’s all too easy to get caught up chasing goals and dreams that on one level we believe will provide us with the fulfilment we desire, yet on another level often leave us feeling empty, unfulfilled and off-purpose.
I’ve often noticed many times as I have coached and mentored individuals, business owners and leaders, that a great number of people are hurriedly climbing the ladder of success, only to get to the top and find out that it was placed against the wrong wall!
We may also find ourselves chasing things in the ‘material’ that we believe will give us more happiness, more fulfilment, more status, more credibility, more respect. We can often believe that if we get that new job then we’ll be respected, when we get the perfect relationship then we’ll feel loved, when we win the lottery then we will feel truly financially secure.
Are You Choosing Fulfilment Right Now?
However, the problem with ‘if / when’ thinking is that it implies we can only feel loved, happy, and secure when we attain our goals, have stuff, and have things work out the way we want, rather than realise that we can choose to love ourselves right now, we can choose happiness in this moment, and we can choose to embrace the security that comes from simply trusting ourselves.
Real fulfilment comes from the realisation that all of the feelings, emotions and desires that you believe exist outside of you, are actually available to you right now.
So instead of instead of blindly following the values, goals and ideals of others, it might be easier and wiser to lay your own path, to follow your own soul’s guidance and to look within yourself (not outside) for the pathway to your greatest fulfilment.
So my questions for you are:
- Are you truly living life in accordance with your own values? Or are you are trying to please others?
- Are you truly committed to following your joy, each and every day?
- Are you using your unique gifts, talents, skills and abilities to serve and make a difference?
- Are you sharing quality time with the people in your life who mean the most to you?
Wisdom from the Dying – The 5 Life Regrets
Several years ago Australian palliative care nurse Bronnie Ware started a very enlightening, thought provoking and inspiring Blog called ‘Inspiration and Chai’, where she wrote about the final stages of the life journey as they were experienced by many of her patients who were terminally ill with cancer. Often she was with them for the last 3 to 12 weeks of their lives.
During the course of this writing she discovered that most people were confronted at the end of their life with either one or a combination of the following ‘Top 5 Regrets of the Dying’, which she later published in her best-selling book The Top Five Regrets of the Dying:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
It’s very hard to listen and follow the guidance of your own heart and soul, when you are consciously and unconsciously trying to please and satisfy others. Living an authentic and inspired life requires all of us to have the courage to be ‘true to ourselves’ first. To value and respect our own life dreams and desires, rather than feel obliged, guilty or responsible to other’s expectations.
Just think what a shame it would have been if Andrea Bocielli had followed his father’s expectations for him to get a real job as a lawyer, rather than share his gift for singing with the world!
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard
You’ve probably heard it said before, that no one wishes at the end of their life that they had spent more time at the office!
There is a big difference between working hard and working smart. I remember the director of a company I worked for several years ago that gave up 13 years of his life to focus on growing his business, but inadvertently missed out on some of the most memorable experiences in his children’s life. While another mentor of mine created a multi-million dollar international publishing house and only works from 1pm – 6pm each day!
It’s always a matter of choice and values. So what are you choosing to create for your life?
3. I wish I had the courage to express my true feelings
Why is it that it’s only when someone is sick, dying or about to pass-over that we find the courage to express our true feelings towards them? Could it be that we allow our own fears, insecurity and vulnerability to get in the way of authentic communication and connection?
Courage is the ability and willingness to act even in the face of fear. The key to remember is that its in our moments of action that fear disappears. So who do you need to express your true feelings to today? Who do you have incomplete emotional business with?
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
At the end of our life the only things we will take with us our experiences, and the memories and connections to the people that graced our life path.
In the Facebook era it’s all to easy to think that a quick message or post, a text message here or there constitutes a successful relationship. However its in the intimate, face-to-face connections and sharing that we create the foundation for true engagement with those we love.
So why not write a letter to someone that you have been meaning to connect with? Or take a moment to leave a Post-it Note with a loving message for someone special? Or invite your closest friends for a sit-down dinner and some real community connection?
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier
As Robert Holden, best-selling author of Authentic Happiness says, we can often spend an eternity looking for happiness outside of ourselves, than simply commit to “following our joy” in each moment.
Sadly, very few people are truly committed to following their joy, to allowing themselves permission to simply feel happier in this moment. Especially when you consider that It doesn’t take much. Seeing the beauty in a rose, watching a magnificent sunset, doing a random act of kindness for someone else, giving ourselves timeout to meditate, reflect, pray, or even just sharing a story with someone close to us.
Each of these is an opportunity for us to engage our joy and embrace our authentic happiness – and best of all they’re free!!
Applying the Lessons to Your Life
So why are these regrets important? Because they are an adamant reminder of the true values that each and every soul confronts prior to its passing. That it is not the material that is most important, but that it is the experience, the learning, the growth and the contributions that we make to this world as human beings that mark the value of our existence.
If any of you have seen the movie The Bucket List with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson then you’ll appreciate that this movie was not so much about dying, than it was about encouraging each and everyone of us to live fully.
Hopefully as each of us reflects on these regrets, we will appreciate what it really means to live fully. Hopefully we will find a path back to the ‘real fulfilment’ that is available to us in this moment.
As for me, I’ve placed a large poster (above) on the wall of my office with the 5 Life Regrets re-framed into ‘My Commitments to Life’, so that each day I can remind myself of what is most important, and that each day I can grow a little closer to appreciating and acknowledging the fulfilment that is available to me right now… if I were to see it.
Namaste.
Read more about The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, by Bronnie Ware, published by Hay House RRP $17.95. Also available on Amazon. To read more about her inspirational blog visit www.inspirationandchai.com
